50 Shades Messed Up Understanding on Love

Sunday, February 22, 2015

The post below contains my own views of the matter. I cannot and do not speak for all the women victims of violence. I only speak from my own experience. If you haven't experienced any form of abuse: sexual, physical, psychological and emotional abuse, then you might not understand where I am coming from. Still, I expect your respect in as much as I give my utmost respect for people who do not share the same views with me.

Photo: 50shadesdarkermovie.com

I’ve been wanting to write my views about the popular 50 Shades of Grey series ever since I read the book, 2 or 3 years ago, but then I didn’t think it’d count because there have been so many controversies that surrounded this ever since the first book was launched. And everybody has something to say about it, that my views would be nothing compared to the others’.

But then, with the way this has been given a lot of attention by the media, and by other “open-minded” people, I think I need to voice out my views on this, because of the advocacies that I believe in, especially that this is what my blog is all about. I have always been honest here, in the things that I post, because in my humble opinion, there is no need to pretend to be someone who you are not, especially if it is just meant to sugar-coat the issues that you want your blog to speak of.

I know I am nobody, I’m not someone who could influence people with what I say or do. I’m not even a psychologist. But I understand the language of sexual and physical abuse. I understand the language of verbal abuse and psychological abuse. And if I can’t voice out on something that is directly in contrast to what I believe in and what I am advocating for or against, then this blog does not serve its purpose.

I read the book, a pdf version was available for download online, I would not want to be caught reading this by my children. I don’t want a copy of the book lying around in the house for my kids to pick up and start reading it. Yes, I read it, out of curiosity and see why people, especially women were talking about it. I read it because I know that I am at the right age to be reading it, and to understand what it really was all about.

The book cannot be compared to a novel by Sidney Sheldon. Although Sheldon's novels would have making love and sex, there still is a big difference between the 50 Shades of Grey book to any of Sidney Sheldon's books. Because 50 Shades contains more sex than anything I've read before (Mills and Boons, Harlequin Romance, Danielle Steele and Sidney Sheldon among many others), for me, this is just a pornography material packaged in the idea of love, in relation to how graphic or how detailed the sexual acts are written in the book. 

To my understanding, the reason why this book became a hit is that,because it is about something that is considered a taboo. We say we live in a modern world, but expressing women’s sexuality has always been some sort of a problem to some people. Making the book a hit among the female population shows clearly that women do have their own sexual fantasies. And one of those sexual fantasies is becoming either a dominant or a submissive.

I did enjoyed the book if I was only to base it whether it did made a cold night hot, the only problem I have is I cannot understand how this was packaged to be released worldwide as a Valentine date movie. Yes, I know we all need some spice in our love life, or sex life for that matter, but to package it as a Valentine movie is something that I don't agree, even though the heroine Anna Steele and billionaire “psychologically messed-up” Christian Grey fell in love in the end.

Photo: rickhiggins.org

I have always said that I am open-minded about so many things unconventional, but sado-masochism is not romantic at all. It is something I cannot accept as romantic.  There is a big difference between accepting it as a way to enhance and spice up our sex life because yes, we enjoy kinky sex sometimes, but I think it should be limited to role playing only. Committing to someone who is perverted is something that you might want to think about. Of course, true love conquers all, if that’s what you’re going to say about this.

But, there is again, a big difference between kinky and perversion. As I've read from somewhere, it wrote: kinky is using a feather while perversion is using the whole chicken. Now, does that make you quiver and shiver in excitement or disgust? There is a thin line between showing love by doing something for the other person, from tolerating abuse. 

It is pretty normal to have sexual fantasies as long as it isn't perverted and this is not a special gift that only men can enjoy. Women are also entitled to this. But only to some extent, as long as it doesn’t cross the line of allowing yourself abused and should not involve children. 

It is only in the books and movies that this ends up happily. In the last book of this trilogy, Christian did stop and changed his ways because he also fell in love with Ana. But this takes a lot of hardwork and understanding, to be able to get past through your perverted sexual inclinations and let the power of love do it’s magic. (What he needs actually is a Psychiatrist, since this is a psychological disorder).  In real life, it's either one of you finds yourself six feet under (by constant whipping,flogging, etc.), or you end up breeding more messed up people into this world. Hmm.. I wonder if the author of this world-renowned piece of literature have experienced real BDSM. Clearly, Ana consented to being just a mere sex object, someone whom he can play his toys with.

Again, I think one of the biggest problem that I have with this movie was it being shown on Valentine’s Day, because it sends out a different meaning to the world.(Bad marketing in the context of morality, but an effective one) Let’s get past the “romance” between Christian and Ana, and you’d see Ana consenting to violence.  Is inflicting pain to yourself or to your partner for sexual satisfaction considered love? Whoever said that domestic violence or sexual abuse is an act of love? Somehow there are still women who believes that way (Battered Wife Syndrome).And for women to be anticipating to watching this in the movies is strongly suggesting that women are now evolving with their views on love and sexuality. Sadly, to some point of confusing love with abuse and violence. But then the women themselves should be the ones to know when they feel violated or abused.

My inner goddess has been telling me that the person who loves me truly will never hurt me, physically, psychologically and emotionally. This is what true love should be all about. 

Will I watch it? Certainly, but I'll wait for the torrent though. I believe reading and watching this would make not make me feel dirty. The most important thing is to remember your values and views on love and relationships.

Photo: from _bestmotivation_ Instagram account

Keep the faith,


Photos by Pixabay unless otherwise indicated.

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