The Non-Negotiables In a Relationship

Monday, November 24, 2014

A couple of months ago, I posted something about the list , which supposedly was a list of the qualities I am looking for in a man. I admit, it was quite superficial. Okay, it was very superficial, that’s why I also said that the list was flexible. Of course, you can’t really expect to find all those qualities in a man. Or else, someone up there really favors you.

With that, as I reviewed what I have posted there, I am embarrassed to have written such post, looking only for the physical qualities and special talents of what would make a good husband or partner for me. I realized, having those things really won’t make a man a good husband or boyfriend material. So, I have to think about the things that go beyond the physical appearance, beyond being tall, beyond his ability to sing beautiful songs to me. There has got to be a list of non-negotiables, some things that I won’t settle for if I don’t find these qualities in him.

And so, here they are. Single ladies, I hope some of these are also in your list of non-negotiables.

  1. He has to accept, embrace and love the good qualities that I have without having me feel guilty for having my own set of flaws.
  2. He has to be there for me when I need him and makes way for that even though he is inconvenienced. (sounds a bit selfish, but I would do the same for him too).
  3. When making decisions big and small, he has to consider me or how I feel about it. Imho, if he considers me a part of his life, then I have to be a part of the decision-making too.
  4. We must share common beliefs and values. This is important if  we’re going to be together for a long time.
  5. He must be growth-oriented and works on his self-improvement.
  6. He brings out the best in me, not the worst in me and continually supports and nurtures those great qualities that I have.
  7. He should respect me- what I think, my opinions, decisions, ambitions and the friends that I keep. I respect him. He has to have my respect, in the way that he has to respect me. A relationship without mutual respect is doomed from the start.
  8. He sees me as an equal or as a partner. We should be a team-and even though we are a team, we are both stronger individually.
  9. We must be able to communicate with each other, small or tough issues and especially when one is upset with the other. Great conversations should be something that we both must work on and look forward to everyday. The time will come when nothing would be left for us to do but have conversations.
  10. He puts an effort into the relationship.
  11. He must love God more than I do.
  12. He must suffer well. He must be able to handle life’s challenges in a very dignified way. I recently read in an article which talked about one of the things that you should be looking for in a partner. Life is full of challenges and some of these can lead to suffering. These can be inevitable and so when life gets tough, a partner who suffers well can make your life’s challenges easier to bear.

Since I am not getting any younger, and have no time for playing games anymore, this last one is something important to me.

    13. He must want to marry me. Or sees a future with me.


I know this may get a lot of mixed reaction. This may not be applicable to all women, this depends on where you want the relationship to go. But “duh”, a guy who isn’t ready to give up or at least suggest that he lost his desire to live the lifestyle of a single man, (in short, starts committing to the relationship), then do you  think I should also waste tears and sweat on him?

I think this isn’t just for women, this goes for the single men who also has to find the one . I just saw an Instagram post on my feed calling women as “sluts”, and “wh*res” because apparently, the women he went out with were all liars and found him boring.  And he was wondering if there was one decent chick that would take him seriously. My take on this? So disrespectful. If he was respectful enough not to call women as “sluts” , then I think the women would see him as someone worth their time and respect.

Well, I don’t really know the whole story, but finding a "decent chick" means you have to go to decent places to find them, not in bars and definitely not over social media where you post all your drunkenness for the whole world to see. 

This goes out to the women as well.It's very seldom that a man would take you seriously if he met you in a bar. People go to the bar to have fun, so that's what you can only expect to do and happen, to have some fun.

To sum it all up, if you have a list of non-negotiables, then you must also live to be the person you want in your list.  

Keep the faith,


Disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert, and these are my own personal opinions and observations based on the materials I gathered from the internet and mail subscriptions. This is not intended to be a relationship advice and is supposed to be for entertainment only.If you are really keen on improving your lovelife, please seek relationship experts. :) TY!

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