Decisions, Decisions

Sunday, February 9, 2014

It’s been 3 months since Haiyan changed our lives forever.
My life made a 360 degree turn. What was once a laid-back lifestyle , one that have you home at 7 pm and just enjoy working at the comforts of your home, to a lifestyle that brings random out of town trips.

Three months and I still haven’t made up my mind yet, whether to follow my children’s wishes and have my career take a backseat once more, or enjoy the adrenaline rush  and take the opportunity to make something out for the future. Leaving Tacloban wasn’t a choice, but more of a means for survival. Yet I cannot help but feel guilty if I decide to stay here in the big city. I would not only be turning back on what I promised my children, that we would return to Tacloban to finish school, but I feel like I am turning my back on a city that I love, in a time that it needed the help of it’s residents.

I know I wasn’t able to do so much to help the city, and that makes me feel sadder. I was given the opportunity to work with the Chinese Red Cross as an interpreter, through the recommendation of someone, to help them with the construction of some facilities. Apparently, there was no one they knew who could fully understand Chinese Mandarin, since most of our Chinese folks back there was taken by the complexity of the language, since most, if not all , spoke Fokkien. I know I said yes, but at the last minute, I backed out because I could not bear to leave my kids for a very long time.


I was also supposed to fly in with a journalist friend, Nikko Dizon of  the Philippine Daily Inquirer to help her with her outreach program , distributing noche buena packages with Jadway Go of Leyte Park Hotel. But then, I backed out the last minute because the schedules of C130 flights made us decide to take a commercial flight out of Tacloban on the 24th of December. Knowing how sometimes commercial flights can be unreliable at times, I didn’t want to take the risk of flying on the day before Christmas, for the mere fact that I was afraid I might end up not being home for Christmas Eve. My kids would be very disappointed if I am not with them on that special day.
Have I been just selfish for not sacrificing time to help out my fellow Leytenos? I ask myelf this all the time. But then again, I wanted to put my children first before anything else that I wanted to do.


When I was finally able to go back to Tacloban for a couple of days to check the situation, I was able to clean out my closet and the kids’ and gave out most of our stuff to our former neighbors in Old Road . A pedicab driver, who had been helping us with little errands when we were still living there was lucky enough to bring home 2 sacks of used clothing and a box full of toys which my children don’t play with anymore. That, I think was something I could afford to do and be happy about it.

And now, three months after Haiyan, my career is starting to lift off. One of my prayers in my Novena to God’s love was to become a partner in one of my former boss’s company. And it did came true. As a member of the Board and Managing Director, I believe that this can be my ticket to a better future for me and my family, if I work hard and play my cards right.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why I was spared from the wrath of Typhoon Haiyan. I know this is another one of God’s blessings. How many chances will I be given to become partner in a promising company? I know that this is the last chance that I got to build a better future for my children, I am not getting any younger.

But, it hurts me so much to see the sad look on my children’s faces when I tried to tell them about my plans. I’ve been putting them in schools and whether intentionally or not, I would pull them back from that school and start them in new school again. My eldest daughter is in Grade 5, and she’s been in 5 different schools already, a new one for every year. It is emotionally tiring for her because she has not made any permanent friends yet because we keep on moving.


Personally, I am also tired of moving from one place to another. In 3 months time, we have been renting in 2 different places already. I owe it to my children to give them a stable place that they can call home, and a school that they can call their Alma Mater.
I can’t help but think about these considerations even though I have lifted it all up to God. I need your prayers, to help enlighten my mind, to make the best decision for our future. I don’t want to make a mistake anymore.


Decisions, decisions..What do you think?

Keeping the faith,


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