Seeing Through the Mask

Sunday, July 21, 2013

I always thought that when you become a mother or a wife for that matter, you should put your family's needs above or before yours always. Meaning, you have to take the backseat and you put your dreams for yourself on hold. I thought that dreaming for yourself was in a way being selfish. But someone made me realize that I was wrong.

I remember the blog post on Memoirs of a Domesticated MD I featured last year about the masks that we wear and I realized that this was true for me. For whatever purpose we wear masks, to protect our identity, our feelings or for other personal reason, time will come that someone will have to do the unmasking, either yourself or somebody else.

This week, I received an email from someone (I can't really say who it came from, so you have something to think about), which was an eye-opener for me and it should be a life changer should I believe everything about it and change for the best. "Someone" told me that ' you have negative beliefs about yourself which doesn't match reality' and that 'you have qualities, that are rare, but you yourself have to be aware of them (the exact words).

I didn't get what it meant at first,but when it all settled in, I cried my heart out because I realized it was true. The truth hurts. Always. But my being stubborn always shielded me from the truth because I do not always believe the obvious. I am skeptical.

So, I went for a walk, and listed 20 things that I am grateful for, 20 things that I can do well and made a list all things that worries me. I had a difficult time completing the 20 things that I can do well. But I will get there. Of course, I don't have to share this to anybody, but i just might, in my other blog.

Now, I have 6 self-help psychology audios to summarize. And maybe it is for another purpose, but I guess, it's more on for me to actually do the listening thing.

I am amazed at how transparent I can be to some people,  (maybe to those who studied Psychology) and that embarrasses me. A lot. I never thought that someone can see through what I was really feeling without me telling them. Except the readers of my blog which I can say have at least an idea of who I am and how I am feeling at the moment.

 I always try to mask everything with a smile that I put on my face. Truly the man who has the loudest laugh is usually the saddest or the loneliest.

The email reminded me not to forget that the most important person in life is "me". If I didn't take care of myself, who is going to take care of my kids? And again, with that reality slapped in my face, I admit that no one can really help myself but me.

Big time realization :  "Someone"  took off the mask I have worn for the longest time. And now I feel so vulnerable.

And so, as a part of my journey to finding true happiness and love, I have to start loving myself more. I have already taken the first steps on that before, but sometimes, when things do not go the way you want it to go,  you get derailed from your goal.

Beginning today, I declare that I am going to start loving myself more to receive more love from others. And so , today, Saturday, I declare that Saturday afternoons are reserved for "me" time. This would be my time to pamper myself, do whatever I want to do, on my own, or with some friends as long as the main goal is to break free from any routine that gets me tied down.

Yes, I started this Saturday habit today.. You can read about it here.

So, to cap it off, I have a favorite song that I want to share, it's quite an old song really, but the message doesn't age. In the past, I like to think that someone is singing this for me. But then lately, I realized that it will have a better meaning if I sing it and dedicate it to myself.

Here goes. Enjoy the song!

Lots of love,

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