Matters of the Heart

Friday, July 12, 2013

"Only when you listen with both head and heart and listen to what you feel to be honest and true will you have a clear sense of complete sense of real direction in life."- Sonia Choquette

Very strong and inspiring words from an inspiring woman.

Today, I feel as empty as I was yesterday. Nothing much have really changed about how I feel about my life right now. I woke up this morning with still the same thought hanging in my head since the other night. Where am I heading to?

I feel lost. I am lost. I don't know where my real destination is right now. Both in my life and in my career.Once more, I am at a crossroad, and I still haven't decided on which path to take. One reply to what I did earlier that I am waiting for will eventually decide which road I will most definitely trudge on. And the suspense is killing me.

Doing that thing was the most difficult and heartbreaking thing I did in months.As difficult as it was for me to decide to do it, I have to  for the sake of preserving the respect or value I have for that particular thing. Sometimes we need to make bold moves to clear out any doubts we have in our hearts. Only then we will truly understand the reason why we were put in certain situations, for instance. Ready or not for the outcome, we just have to be thankful for the opportunity that came our way.

I learned that when you start feeling low, and start doubting your purpose, one of the things you can do is to listen to your spirit, or listen to your heart. The most effective way of listening to your spirit or the whispers of your heart is to put your hand over your heart and just be very still. Listen to the still small voice that tells you what to do.

So, here goes. I need to listen to my heart now. I close my eyes ,take a deep breath and then put my attention to my heart.

Am I just desperately seeking for love or attention? Is the love that my family and children showered me with still inadequate?  So desperate to cause some disturbances in my career and other aspect of my life? What is it that I really need? Why can't I have the best of both worlds, finding satisfaction in love and in my career.

I guess my love tank's running dry, near empty. I need to refill it asap or else my whole attitude towards life will change. But the question still hangs, will one male mortal be enough to fill the hollowness inside? Maybe , if he is the one.

I need prayers for my heart. It is quickly running empty of love. Yesterday, I requested for a prayer from my prayer warrior friends, asking that God enlighten and help in the discernment of one person who has to send me that one important email and possibly affect all decisions that I need to make in my life right now.

To close, I want to say a prayer for my heart.

"Dear God, You know everything that is in my heart and You know every little intention I have for which person's name you see etched in it. I truly desire to have a fulfilling relationship, in all aspect of my life where we interact. I pray that you help me guard my heart from feeling anything out of the ordinary for a woman like me for someone whose life I cannot even comprehend. Protect my heart from pain and hurt. It's been battered and torn, and I don't know how much of the stresses it can still take.

Only you dear God know what is good for me. I know that you have already planned everything for my heart. I will wait for the right person that you will send especially for me. And if you have already send  this person to me, help me to open up my heart to love once more and not to push it away. Help me see through the packaging and not judge this person by how you designed it for me.I know he is out there somewhere. Help me to finally find him and guard me from the temptations of temporary pleasures of the flesh that may derail me from my wish in finding real big love.

In Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

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