How I Reinvented Myself

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Again, with new year comes the resolution to change one's self for the better. But are the changes you are willing to make just skin-deep? Or are you willing to go on a paradigm shift?

Reinventing ourselves is one way of trying to preserve ourselves. It is very imperative to our happiness.

Being in a relationship for years, and giving my all for that, I slowly lost my sense of self. The separation was the result of years of carrying the stress of not knowing who I was anymore and what importance I was making in my life and in others.

My separation made me realize a lot of things including my priorities, what matters most in my life and knowing  my self-worth. Little did I know that this situation would turn out to be life-changing and the biggest turning point in my life.  I did not understand everything that was going on then, but I held on to my new-found strength which I got from my renewed faith in God.

God does not make mistakes and so I came to the conclusion that my reinvention was planned not by me but by someone who loves me more than I loved myself. Sort of a  reaffirmation that I am loved, but it would only be worth if I start loving myself.

The time my kids were separated from me, not a single night passed by that my pillows were not soaked in tears. And yes, I would literally cry out. I let it all out. I lived alone with one daughter so when she was asleep at night, I would start to feel so alone. I missed my two other babies terribly and there were moments when I thought I'd gone mad. There were times I have to convince myself I was still sane. I had to go through months of psychological evaluation as a part of the process for filing cases on violence against women. And the worst was when you found yourself surrounded by people whose sanity were in question. That's when you start to doubt your own as well.

During this time, I was able to use my "alone time" positively. Instead of wallowing in self -pity, I got involved in whatever would make me busy and help me forget the ordeal I was going through even just for a few hours a day. I am thankful that I was able to find a spiritual community and I started to change my beliefs and  strengthened my faith.Then I started to feel that I the spiritual community who accepted me as me, flaw and all, the community that reaffirms that we are all made in the likeness of God and that we are beautiful. Luck maybe, but I'd say, I was called.

I remembered one of my Care Group members telling me to tell God in my prayers that if He wanted me to through all that situation, then just lessen the pain and make it bearable for me. I did just that and the hurt that I felt everyday eventually became the driving force to completely change my life. Never did I know that at that time, I had already embarked on the journey to reinvent myself.

Looking back at how I was since 2009, I can say that I've come a long way. My life experience taught me lessons I did not learn from school. Three or four years ago, I would normally break down when something stressful happens, but now, I became a strong woman capable of facing head-on all the challenges life throws at me.

As I reflected on the things that had happened in the past, there were some regretful moments and some monumental ones that are worth remembering. I regretted having to go through psychiatrists and taking all the anti-depressant. Those things made me the worst version of myself, somebody who didn't value the sanctity of life, my own and others. The memory of how I won the fight for the custody of my children and the victory of disproving what people had labeled on me, those were the monumental things worthy of reliving in my memory from time to time. Victory is sweet made even sweeter because I did it with God by my side.

Changing my negative mindset to positive thinking, I also began to attract positive changes. Opportunities came knocking. For starters, I was able to get a full-time job which doesn't require me to work 9-5. In short, I got my dream job. Opportunities are still knocking, and it is up to me which doors I open.

Reinvention is mostly an inside thing. It is what happens on the inside first, what's going on in our emotional state, and then the physical changes just follow. Changing only the outer part of your being is remodelling. Reinvention is changing all aspects in your life. You need reinvention because it is important to your happiness.

So where do you start reinventing yourself? On the inside. Change whatever it is that is keeping you from achieving your dreams. Do not allow somebody else to put a label on you. The lid of the jar is open, all you need to do is to jump out of it and follow your dreams.

When you fall down, there are only two things that you need to do. Stand up. Bounce back.

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