How Ironic Could Life Be?

Saturday, November 7, 2009


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How ironic could life be?

Years ago, i was so depressed that i have contemplated suicide each time i got a big problem. I was such a diva that i thought every thing that happens to me was catalogued out of an episode of a soap opera.Funny how i would always stretch every issue and think that things are worse.I needed drama in my life.I was such a pessimist.Thank God i’ve overcome that phase in life.

Waking up with a numbness on your body changes the way we see life. Four days ago, i woke up with a numbness on my right face, and a pain in my arm going all the way down to my leg. The first thought i had was i may be having a stroke.Thanks to all the forwarded emails on how to determine a stroke or an attack. I remember massaging my face and trying to smile. Yes, i could still smile.So the idea of a mild stroke was out.

I am not in the habit of going to the doctor for every discomfort i feel , so it took a lot of deliberation and convincing from friends when i finally gave in and went to the nearest clinic. After all the usual routine, blood pressure–normal, heart rate–normal, the doctor couldn’t see any irregularity so I needed to have laboratory tests for cholesterol and such.In the meantime, i was prescribed a drug called Plavix, to ensure that i won’t have a heart attack or a stroke since i may a have clotting in the blood. That , and a dose of Vitamin B Complex for the nerves.

Waiting for results in situations like these are one of the most difficult things to do for me.I was plagued with thoughts that i may be inflicted with life-threatening diseases or worse.I thought i had a case of Peripheral Artery Disease because all the symptoms were similar to those i have ,except for the age factor. And where did i get that idea? The internet of course! Trouble with the technology, it becomes so available to everybody that anything you want know about, you can search it on the internet.I didn’t realize that i was basically killing myself with all those thoughts that might even be irrelevant.But nothing was impossible ,with the kind of lifestyle i lived.

When the results came two days after, i was referred to an internist.Laboratory tests showed that everything was normal–cholesterol, triglycerides.(I’m afraid of needles,particularly,syringes.Imagine how i nearly fainted when i had my blood sample taken.)After more examinations and questions, the doctor made a request for an x-ray on my hips and legs. So, i was back to where i started , no diagnosis.Along the process, the doctor was making suggestions on what might be troubling me.I was even given a request for a Cranial CT Scan  because i informed him that i frequently had headaches.He also suggested that i may be having this what-you-call-that syndrome..(i forgot that particular disease),something that affects your wrist and hand muscles and that a minor surgery would be needed to repair the band that holds the wrist and your nerves.I felt like i was talking with an alien because of all those medical terms he was saying.So i asked him to explain in plain English.  Doctors could be insensitive sometimes, as if i wasn’t tortured enough thinking i may be dying or my life was at risk.

The x-ray results came and then the final verdict. I was diagnosed to have a lumbar instability.What??? Well,according to Dr.John C.Wolf, Associate Professor of Family Medicine, Ohio University College of Osteopathic Medicine,it is a condition wherein “the vertebra in the lumbar portion of the spine move one upon another in such a way that the spinal canal is not aligned correctly.  This compromised spinal canal causes either direct or indirect pressure on the spinal nerve and the nerves that branch out from it.The consequence of this is back pain as well as leg pain.

The remedy for this is therapy, proper exercises,stretching and bending. I feel so elated to finally know that at least it wasn’t life-threatening.

Contemplating on this episode of my life, i realized that life is too short and precious, our bodies are fragile and that we should never compromise our health.Sick or not,I’ve learned how to put my faith and fate in the hands of my maker.Funny how  years ago i was so “trigger-happy” in being suicidal ,yet now, i felt fear..the fear of dying. I admit , i am not yet ready to die.

Bottom line : I’ve learned my lesson. :)


first published at my friendster blog on jan.08,2007


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