letter for the lonely little boy

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

i know it's been a while since we last saw each other.in a week, it's your birthday and you will no longer be the little boy that i knew.time passed by, but the memories of yesterday still lives in my mind and the pain still remained in my heart...the pain of having to leave you.

i remember when i had you inside of me, moving around in circles,with your every kick, a kick to my heart.you were such in a hurry to see the world, anticipating that the world is such a beautiful and a happy place, only to find out that this very world brought you loneliness and pain.

when i had you, i was so young and i thought that leaving you to people who were far better off than i was was the right thing to do.they were your family.and they kept it that way.they made sure that they were your only family.

i'm sorry for the way things turned out to be.i know that your little heart holds a resentment for the person who left you behind instead of protecting and loving you.things were so different then. i didn't realize that this is what it would turn out to be.i know that i'm causing you more pain when you try to reach out to me and yet i run away.i want you to understand that it is not you that i want to escape from but the people around you.things may not be easy for you to understand now,and i guess it is better we leave things be.the right time will come when you will learn to understand all my actions and your heart will open up to forgive me.
my little boy, you are the flesh of my flesh, the blood of my blood.you are my son.there is not one moment that i do not think of you, and wish that we were in a different situation.i just am not ready to face the people behind you.i pray for courage and for wisdom.i have tried to take you away form them but i failed.and yet, you suffered for the consequences of that action.

tonight,i had the courage to write what i feel deep inside.life will be beautiful for us in the future.i will look for you and you will always be in my heart. you will no longer be the little lonely boy.

picture from corbis.com

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