Since it is just a few days after Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, because of a writing project, I needed to read on some of MLK Jr.'s speeches.  I was inspired about his "I have a Dream" speech and the anaphora which showed much of his passion.

 

I am no MLKjr, but I have my own version of I Have a Dream.  It's not a speech but mainly what is in my thoughts as my birthday comes to an end. A year older, I realized that I have hold off on acting on my dreams and use "work" as an excuse. So here goes.

 


I have a dream. (channeling MLKjr)


I dream to open a shelter for women who are victims of domestic abuse where they will learn how to stand up on their own, be empowered, earn and start a new life; a place where they can get free legal assistance and have counselors who will walk them through the processes. The legal process itself is very overwhelming, sometimes the people who are supposed to help will just send you from office to office.


One of the reasons why women in very abusive relationship stay with their spouses or partners is because they don't know what to do and where to go. Sometimes they have the courage to leave, but they soon go back after a couple of days. Why? Because they don't have the resources to raise their children and codependency.


If you watched the movie "Maid" on Netflix, you'd understand what I mean. But more than the movie, I experienced this myself. And as I think about the last 10 yrs, I realized that maybe, just maybe this is why I had to experience those, so that I can help others who are experiencing what I had before. You'd understand why if you back read my blog posts in 2010-2014.


I have always had this thought for years, even before I've watched "Maid", especially when I see women and children on the streets, but I push it to the back of my mind because who am I to have this dream? I had this nagging at me once again when I saw a woman and her kids lying on the ground with their bags beside them. 


It's scary, because you could face the wrath of the abusive spouses. And thinking about funding, where do I get that. This is an advocacy and advocacy do not work without funds. 


I have a dream.
 

I dream that women in distress can easily get help from authorities without having to go to the station like an app where they can download, click on a number and authorities are alerted without the abuser knowing. I dream of an app that has the capability of locating the nearest Women's Desk and shelter they can go to. 
 
 
I have a dream to have at least one privately run shelters in every city. Yes there is the local DSWD but they are already up to their necks with other concerns. If you've been to some night care facilities, you'd feel as if you are in jail, which should not be the case because you are the victim here. 
 

Delinquent juveniles and rescued women in distress and their children are placed in a room where there are actual bars like a prison cell. Maybe not in all, but I can say it is so because I've been in one.


I dream of a shelter where women and children will feel safe and as if in their own homes. 
 

I know that this takes a lot of planning, work and heart. Will I have the energy to make this come into fruition?


Now that I set this out here, maybe the Universe will help me make this a reality.  
 

Happy 46th Birthday to Me! 
 





 


 

 

Watching the Lake House on HBO makes me want to believe in love again, and inspired me to write!


I love watching movies, especially ones that are about love (and with Keanu in it). The Lake House is not a romcom, in fact, there's no part in that movie that would make you laugh. It's a lonely story. The characters are both lonely people who are looking for love. The entire mood of the movie is actually somewhat kind of sad, but the magic of it is - it makes you believe and fall in love again. What it is -is actually a story about how love transcends time.

 

I'm someone who used to believe in love, romantic love anyway, but over the years, I have learned to suppress any feelings of anything that is somewhere closer to love. Maybe I just had my heart broken too many times that I have this fear of giving away a part of me to someone again. After being a single mom, it took me 5 long years to finally be able to trust a man again. And after 3 years, I lost it again. Turns out I was the only one in it. It was more of a "situationship" than a relationship. So many secrets, so many lies. But this time, while the betrayal and confusion was more intense than my first 2 serious relationships, I didn't cry. I couldn't. How can I cry for something that wasn't real anyway? How can I grieve for a lost relationship when I never had one?


I may not have grieved about that loss but it doesn't mean it didn't scar me in any way. Yes, I still had my heart broken, but I know how to handle it this time. This is the first time I am writing about it anyway. Maybe I've tried to avoid confronting my feelings, maybe not. I don't know, I just don't feel anything. It's not because I didn't have anyone wanting to be with me, there were two actually, both younger than me. I avoid the idea of me being with a man way younger than me. The father of my children actually is 2 years younger than me, but these two men are 6-7 years younger. Maybe I just wanted to feel being wanted again, but not wanting the relationship thing at all. I am sorry if I somehow led them on. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't.


Watching The Lake House has broken that wall I've built around my self. I kept myself hidden for a long time, it's been 2 years already since I ended it. Maybe it's the right time now. I've always avoided confronting my feelings maybe because I still wanted to preserve some of the memories. But I can't stay stoic and unfeeling all the time. At one point, I have to break so I can make myself whole again.




And so today marks that day when I will be open to everything new in my life. 


  • I am opening myself to new experiences, to new relationships, new adventures.
  • I am opening myself to love in the way I wanted it to be.
  • I am opening myself to people and believe that age is just a number, and that I cannot deny myself of the happiness someone is willing to give me, no matter how much the age difference.
  • I am opening myself to believing more that I deserve love in the way that love is supposed to be.
  • I am opening myself to dreaming again the good dreams for myself and my children.


 




 I don't really make resolutions, and this isn't one, but this is going to be my point of reference at the end of the year to see how much I will grow in the love and relationship department.

I'm setting myself with high expectations. You can help me by wishing me luck and sending some prayers for me and my kids.


XoXo,

Mei






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