The Fear of Letting Go

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Lent is over. So I am back to blogging. But what I would like to blog about are my experiences in attending the life-changing Let Go Recollection which I religiously attended for three days.

 If everything else in our life is not going in the direction that we are supposed to take, then the best way to do is to go back to the root of our humanity, our spirituality. And Lent was the season to do just that. I have been in such a depressive mood in the last few weeks and everything in my life seems to go wrong and not the way I envisioned it to be. I am glad that I had this opportunity to reflect on everything that’s happening in my life now.


Let Go was the theme for the recollection done by my spiritual community, the Feast Alabang of the Light of Jesus, a Catholic Charismatic community founded by Bro. Bo Sanchez. Two years ago, I had the honor of serving in the music ministry and that turned out to be one of the happiest moments in my life. Last year, I was in Tacloban City and there is no LOJ (Light of Jesus) community there so I celebrated it the traditional way.

“Where am I right now? “, I asked myself this for the nth time during the 3 day recollection. The past three days have been so emotional for me, as you can probably imagine how a recollection is done. But more than that, I know that at some point, I know that I am changed.

And this is the biggest revelation I had during this recollection, I was able to learn about how and why we need to let go of certain things in our life. This to me was a revelation, because I have a habit of holding on to things and even persons.

Photo:rainsvoice.blogspot.com

I  learned and I acknowledge and I know many would agree, that no matter how certain you are of not feeling any more for a past relationship, knowing that the person has moved on, and may have found someone, this thought would still sting. Not too much, but just a bit. Oh okay, more than just a bit. And I thought, if I was the one who ended our relationship, why would it still bother me?

It bothers me because for the period that we were together, I never looked at any other men, and I have been faithful to our relationship. I may have kept some things to myself for the sake of avoiding arguments, but I have never once thought of any other men. It still hurts to know how fast he was able to move on. More importantly, it affected me, because it opened up new feelings of fear in me.

Photo: birgitjurock.com


I fear of being alone, fear of being left by my children and choosing their dad over me, fear of growing old without a man who loves me by my side, and fear that my kids will no longer need me.

I fear that my children would choose the new woman in their dad’s life over me. I fear that they may like her and would want to spend more time with their dad and her more than they would want to spend time with me. I fear that I will grow old alone, without someone to love me and take care of me.

And with all these fears, I realized that I am afraid of letting go of the things or people I love. There are just some things that I cannot sacrifice over something that is essential, even though I may have been able to let go of the possessions that I had during Haiyan when I was forced to evacuate my family and leave everything behind. But that was a very different situation.

But I learned that at some point, we need to let go. We need to let go of the things that are keeping us from receiving the greater blessings that is in store for us, be it an attitude or an emotion like fear, an addiction, a lifestyle, or a person that is bringing in all the toxicity into our lives. In my case, I know that I need to let go of these fears and learn to trust more, in God and in man. For the past three days, these fears were all I have been contemplating on. I know deep inside that this is what I am asked to do.

Photo: therapyinashville.com

We fear because we can only see a part of the big picture. And I am afraid to do it because it doesn’t make any sense. Does it make sense for me to allow my children to go to their dad when I had invested a lot in getting them back 2 years ago? ( I had to go through a court process to be able to gain custody of my children). But really, most of the time, God doesn’t make sense. He just doesn’t make sense when He wants us to do something.

As in the words of our preachers, “Letting go means emptying ourselves. Man’s greatest fear is nothingness, to be nothing and to have nothing. And it is in our nature to fill ourselves, not to empty ourselves.”

And that is why letting go is not an easy thing to do. It is something that requires a lot of willpower. And a lot of faith. 


“The usefulness of the cup is its emptiness” – Bruce Lee.

God always gives us what we need, maybe not in the time when we want it, but during the times that He knows we need it. But He cannot fully give us the things we need, when we are filled with the things that we want. And that is the why we need to empty out ourselves with the old, to let the new, greater blessings to come.

When we cannot empty ourselves, we are not open to receiving more blessings.


Reflection:

In the story of Abraham, he was called upon by God to sacrifice his precious, most beloved son, Isaac. But because he was a man of faith, he did exactly what he was asked to do. And that was when he passed this big test of faith. Can we be like Abraham? Can we give up or let go of our Isaac?

What is your Isaac?

God has defied nature in giving us what we need. Can you defy nature to follow Him?  Are you ready to step out of your comfort zone and give up “stuff” to follow His will?

Remember:
In this world, there is only God and the rest is “stuff.”- Arun Gogna

"If you cannot relinquish it, you are possessed by it." -Fr. Dave Concepcion


Think about it.



Keep the faith,







Read my next post To Forgive Is To Be Free.

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