On Falling in Love Again

Saturday, April 27, 2013




Photo: youthvector.com


I think I'm in love again! (ooh,how I wish!)

Is it alright to say that I think I am falling in love again?

Or does the word still exist in the vocabulary of women like me?

I am 30+ years old, separated from a partner of four years for just a couple of years, with 4 kids. Well, 3 kids because the other one isn't a kid anymore and is not living with me. So, is falling in love with someone still possible ? Or the reason for having a partner is only about companionship, having someone with you to grow old with, not necessarily in love with each other, but good enough partner that will stick with you until your last days.

I am a hopeless romantic, and an idealistic one too. I give credit to these two the reasons why I can't seem to find happiness from my previous partners. I have had two relationships, one that almost brought me to the altar. Maybe because of the expectations I have for the relationship also, but more on not really knowing what I want out of life that got  me confused all the time including my relationships.

I am still open to the possibility or thought of getting married someday although I always try to deny it every time that question is brought up. I am not worried about that because I know my kids would understand eventually. What I am worried though is that I might get my heart broken again.And so sometimes,I try to deny myself from feeling special feelings to certain men that I met lately after the separation. But there are feelings that just won't go away and the more you suppress it, the more intense it becomes.Just so very much alike to what I am feeling right now.  The last time I felt this alive was when I met my last relationship. You know the usual stuff, butterflies in your stomach, or the silly grin on your face after reading his messages either from emails or texts. Is this still even normal for a woman my age?

My goodness, I am a very sensible woman but sometimes when emotions overpower my logic, then that's were the problems begin. But I have learned from my past mistakes not to expect too much so it won't hurt that much when I finally realized that I'm just chasing after a hopeless dream.

And speaking of dreams, I had once dreamed of a man where  he kissed me on the left cheek and said "I love you". I don't know what the dream meant, but it sure did made me feel good the whole day if not the whole week just thinking about it. What do you think it meant? Well, whatever it meant, I don't really care. One thing's sure though, it made me feel good about myself. See, the last time I had that kind of dream was before I had my first child, college.

I don't know which one I am more afraid of happening, if someone eventually tells me everything I wanted to hear, or if I realized he is better off with someone else with less complications in life. Either way, it's going to need a lot of soul searching for me, whether to let my heart rule over my head or remain with being reasonable.

Just need to take it slow.No need to hurry. :)

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